Along Came Patty
by fzzyslipperz
Summary: This is the first in a series of stories from the HA! Universe, acting as a sequel to events from the series


Author's Note: Relevant details of this HA! Universe include 1) The HA! Movie did not happen; i.e. a mall was built in the neighborhood, albeit outside of Arnold's block. The grocery store which employed Mrs Johansen was torn down, as well as the arcade etc. The mall is not immense, contrary to implications in Ha! The movie. And, 2), Arnold's parents did not return to live with him. No more shall be explained. 3) The setting for the gang is 8th grade. Big Patty is assumed to be in Arnold's class ie also in 8th grade.

CHAPTER ONE

It is 3:45, Tuesday. The 8th grade band gathers in Mr. Packenham s classroom to rehearse. For those interested the instrumentation was as follows:

Flute- Phoebe

Trombone- Sheena

Clarinet- Patty

Saxophone- Eugene

Tuba-Park

"All right boys and girls, let's warm up with our B major scale! Woodwinds, keep those tongues sharp!"

 _After practice .._

"Hey, are you going to the school dance?" Patty asked, turning to Phoebe, who was disassembling her flute carefully.

Phoebe let out a nervous giggle. "Well I agreed last week to accompany Gerald. How about you? After all this would be the ideal opportunity to reveal to Harold your interest in him."

"I don t know, He hasn't been in exactly a listening mood. He can be so dumb!"

Helga waited outside in the hall, tapping her foot on the wall. She turned as Phoebe and Patty emerged from the door.

"Phoebs, I'm starving! I was thinking pizza, you in? Oh hey Patty what do ya say?"

"Works for me", Patty said, smiling.

"Umm, Coming!" Phoebe yelped hurriedly, as Helga and Patty zoomed across the street.

 _At Antonio's Pizza ._

Sid, Lila, Harold, Rhonda and Stinky were sitting at a booth.

"That's ever so funny, Sid," said Lila in her oh, so pleasant tone. Helga's mind

began assembling a scheme so fast she made herself blink with the sheer Grinch-y evil of it. Her brow furrowed as she silently cackled to herself, already claiming victory over Arnold once and for all.

"What s the matter Helga? You haven't touched your meat lover s supreme.." Phoebe was concerned.

"If you ask me, Helga SHOULD watch what she eats. I mean it would be a shame to have to go to the dance alone, I would literally die! Of course, Harold s taking me, isn't that right big boy?"

"What?" Harold stupidly mouthed through several square inches of marinara and cheese.

"Ugh!" Rhonda exclaimed. "Wipe your face, my God!"

"Ah, stuff it princess. Not that it's any of your business, but I know for a fact I m walking in that dance with the hottest guy in school. Good luck squeezing mommy boy through the door. Come on Phoebs! We're out of here. Uh,, hey Lila Come on we re going dress shopping!"

The three girls left, Lila looking confused.

"Not that I'm not oh so flattered to shop for dresses with you Helga, it's just I wasn't sure you liked me, you know considering *cough* Arnold* and all .."

"Look sister, I have a favor I wanted to ask. That s not so strange is it? We're friends . You ve helped me before just.. . I know Ive been an angry person, and I thought it was time to make up for it."

Now it was Phoebe's turned to be confused. But only temporarily. You see, she was quite smart.

"What kind of favor is it Helga?"

"I saw you and Sid getting pretty chummy back there. Did he ask you to the dance by chance?"

"Well as a matter of fact, he did, in his ever so sweet way. It's just I was hoping to go with Iggy It s not that Sid isn t a nice guy, he just doesn t have..."

"That oh so special something; yeah, can it! Uh I mean . Sorry. Listen it would mean a lot if you found it in your heart to go with Sid. By the way, I heard Arnold already asked you?"

Phoebe smirked.

"Yes, Helga, and I turned him down ever so gently I hope But firmly, of course!" she added weakly.

"Ahem.." Helga was coughing simply to keep herself calm. She needed to be in control of the situation. Her rage was momentarily tamed.

"It's okay Helga. I know how I can help you now."

"You... you do? Helga was turning red. I don 't know... what you..."

"Ha haha! It s okay Helga! You know I've always found it much too cute how you crush on him."

"Fine. You know It's not a big deal and hey hey hey! I don t crush on him!"

Phoebe gave in, busting her little gut in curls of laughter.

Helga tripped on the sidewalk. Lila and Phoebe held onto each other for support, laughing harder than ever.

 _At the mall ._

"Man, I'm glad the souvlaki stand made it into the mall." Said Gerald.

"Yeah, when youre not eating it out back of Mr. Green's dumpster it tastes a lot better"

"So, Arnold, how you been? I heard about little miss perfect. You know that's fine right?"

"I'm alright. You know I was gonna ask Maria.. to the dance. As a joke!" he added.

"Arnold, come on! That's your 'I've got a plan' face. Don t complicate this, trust me! She s in high school!"

"And you haven't stared with your tongue hanging out when Connie swings her butt down the street? It's different now, I mean we shave! They flirt with us."

"Whatever you say. Still I'd take the firm curves of an 8th grader any day. Nadine?"

"She's going out with Lorenzo I thought.."

Patty sat at the far end of the food court, in the last table. She sniffled, fighting hard to keep her tears in until she could go home. But she couldn't move. She was numb.

Phoebe dialed frantically, feeling awful for leaving Patty at the pizzeria. She had been swept up, and wasn't there to comfort her friend after finding out Harold was going to the dance with Rhonda.

'

Hello?

Hey Phoebe.

Patty, where are you? I m sorry I

No it s completely okay. I m at the mall. You?

Let me meet you. So am I. Near the Forever Spumoni.

come to the food court

Be there presently!

She hung up the phone, catching up with Helga and Lila.

"Sorry, I have to go Helga I ll buy my dress another time. Something came up."

"Oh, okay See you then, I guess Phoebs."

Phoebe left.

"So Helga, here s what I was thinking .."

"Lila!" Arnold called out. She and Helga turned around.

"Hey, who s this red haired chica? You cutie, with all your hoes in different area codes."

"Oh Maria, that s bad." Connie chortled and Maria began laughing too. Arnold and Gerald beside them blushed slightly. Helga was dumbstruck.

"It looks like I must be going ." said Lila.

There was a crash and someone yelled. Everyone looked up at the food court. Harold was laid out flat on a table with Wolfgang rounding him.

"What s wrong with you, fruit cup? You sissy bone fat boy! Everybody knows the 9th grade quarterback gets to go to the dance with the hottest cheerleader."

The crowd was stunned and it seemed there was a moment of complete silence. Harold s face contorted and his eyes became crazed. He leapt to his feet and connected his fist to Wolfgang s chin. The lumbering hulk stumbled and fell, his brain rattled.

"Rhonda asked ME, bozo. And who you calling a sissy boned fat boy?"

"Stop! Stop!" Rhonda came running up.

"Harold! Oh, I m so sorry. I didn t mean for this to happen."

"What do you mean Rhonda? What s the big idea?"

"I asked you to the dance, really! But I asked Wolfgang to, I just wanted him to notice me! It was so wrong . Harold please"

"But I thought you liked me Rhonda No more lies! Mommy!"

Harold took off running, determined to get as far away as he could.

That distance turned out to be exactly 93.6 yards, to the far end of the food court. Panting, he sat down at the very last table and put his head down in his arms.

The chair across from him scraped loudly. He started, but it was Patty.

"I got a bug in my eyes, that s all."

"Shut up. You want a cheeseburger?"

****STAY TUNED FOR CHAPTER TWO*****


End file.
